Blazblue: Kokonoe the Therapist?
by Winter's ice
Summary: It was a typical day in Sector Seven for Kokonoe before some random chick showed up and declared she was going to become a therapist for the games cast. As one can guess she wasn't all that thrilled about it, but afterwards she decided to go along with it. After all, she'll be able to yell at them all she wants while trying to "help" them solve their problems. What could go wrong?


**I've always thought that most of the cast needed a good therapist. So, this random idea was born! I had originally thought of using Hazama, who would just end up trolling them in the end. I decided to switch over to Kokonoe because an angry, crazy, scientist cat lady seemed more interesting. **

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**Date Published: 11/18/13**  
**Word Count: 2, 367**  
**Page Count: 4**

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**Prologue: The Therapist Who Needs a Therapist?**

It had originally started off as a typical day over in Sector Seven. The scientists where all running around doing what they did best all the while pushing up there glasses. Yes, glasses seemed to be a very common thing throughout the establishment for some reason or another. Perhaps these simple things gave them extreme knowledge and power, or they where all just as blind as some weirdo who spent too much time in the dark.

Anyway, inside one of the many well-furnished rooms with the latest and greatest scientific equipment was a woman. This woman happened to be none other than the great scientist Kokonoe, a half-beastkin with a rather large temper, and a rather small chest. Thanks to her father (who she despises for some reason or another) she dons two pink and a little bit of white cattails and ears.

She was busy at work, tinkering with this or that, wondering how she'd kill that bastard Terumi, pondering if she should blow him up with some magic, nuke him, feed him to a bunch of fish, force him to watch some stupid ass reality TV shows…Her thoughts where always filled with the various ways to exterminate that ass from the universe when she wasn't busy yelling at Tager to do something or working on her own Murakumo Unit Lambda –11.

"Why the hell did they even name her Lambda-11? Lambda already means eleven in Greek, what's the point of putting in the 11? Why are people such dumb-assess, eleven eleven is such an original name!" grumbled the scientist while looking over Lambda's latest data. She really couldn't understand people and with their crappy naming abilities, "I guess Prime Field Device Eleven was too long a name for those "great geniuses" so they decided to come up with something short and repetitive."

So after her usual groaning, she went back to what she did best. This was of course before the door to her lab opened and someone walked in. Kokonoe turned her head with the usual scowl on her face and asked, "Who the hell are you? You're not apart of Sector Seven," she basically hissed at her visitor. She could tell just by looking at this person, she was no scientist what so ever.

"Man, you're one grumpy kitty cat," spoke the unwanted guest. The visitor was some young, somewhat short chick with brown hair and glasses. She walked up happily to the grumpy woman and decided to speak up in a cheeky manner, "Aw damn it, and here I thought my glasses would let me blend in. Aw well, you'll be the most entertaining so I guess you work."

"What are you getting at? I'll be the most entertaining for what?" with that comment something unfortunate dawned on her. This wasn't the first time some random person pretending to be apart Sector Seven popped up in her lab. The last time it was some strange guys in suites that offered (more liked forced) her into operating her own little segment, "Dear God not this shit again. Listen, I have my hands full with the "Help Me, Professor Kokonoe!" segments. Do you know how much of a pain it is to be interrupted every time someone gets a bad end?" asked the pink haired cat lady while giving the girl a very annoyed look. She didn't understand why the world felt like screwing with her, _"Why do I always get harassed by these nut cases?"_ she thought while remembering her last ordeal.

"Oh, this has nothing to do with that! No need to worry, I'm not here to interrupt your work and yelling spree every five seconds! I'm here to tell you that you have been given the opportunity to help your fellow cast members sort out all of their problems as their therapist!" explained the girl in a very happy manner. It seemed like she was about to jump and down for joy.

Kokonoe, being the foul-mouthed person she is, didn't hold back in her reply, "There is no way in hell I'm helping those annoying assholes solve their problems! I don't give a damn about what they are going through, as long as they don't get a bad ending and interrupt me, I'm all fine and dandy!" with that she moved over to the giant test tube thing that held both some sort of liquid and Lambda. She then placed in some sort of code on the terminal outside the tube, which caused the liquid to be drained out. It then opened with a swoosh sound, and Lambda slowly walked out of it.

"Now then," began Kokonoe while turning herself back around to her visitor, "Get the hell out of here and leave me alone, or else I'll have Lambda attack you."

"Wow, no need to be so hostile! Last time I checked you're a house cat, not a tigress!" yelled the girl while waving her arms in front of her face, "Let me rephrase my words for you, you're not being given the opportunity to help them, you're being forced to do it. I know you won't be happy, but there isn't anything you can do."

Now this annoyed the scientist even more than before, "So this _is_ the same shit as last time! Why can't you morons ever go and get someone else do this stuff?! What about Rachel, she seems to have nothing better to do than drink tea and abuse her familiars!" It was like when ever someone got an idea, it they had to jump straight over to her. Can't anyone tell she has work to do?!

"Well, Rachel never came to mind. Besides, she wouldn't be as interesting as you Kokonoe!" explained the young female, "It was originally Hazama who got picked for the role, but some re-casting was required. He would have abused the people he was meant to help too much, even if he may be a doctor if those videos are true. Though you can't always trust the internet," explained the girl while mumbling the last bit. Hazama would have been good for entertainment, but most of the cast would try to kill him on sight, or they would just end up being even more insane. This was meant to be funny, not gory and abusive. After all, all of that can wait for another time, another place, and a different story.

All the scientist did was sigh while placing her hand to her forehead. Of course that bastard got picked for something and was too much of a dick to actually carry it out. She began to remember when she protested against those mysterious suite assess, and how she also threatened them. Of course Lambda just ended up freezing (for some reason Kokonoe thought it was due to Tager using poor Lambda to download porn; who knows how she came up to that conclusion) and said, "Error…error…can not operate…higher force…is interfering with my function." So it was going to be just like that, there was escape from this, "Why do I have to be a therapist?!"

"I see you're coming around!" responded the girl happily, "Well, you just seemed to fit the right bill so yeah, that's 'bout it. Besides, you have to agree with me that these guys have some serious problems! Just look at Jin, he's a walking mess of hormones and insanity! With your help, they can vent their problems and you can come up with some sort of solution! It can be any idea that you think could help them get past their horrific problems!" explained the brunette. She had a bit of hope that by giving Kokonoe the go ahead to do whatever she felt, she'd be more willing to do it!

"I can tell them to do whatever I want? Like go and make Ragna admit he has as a sister and lolicon fetish to the whole world in hope to solve his anger issues and sexual frustrations?" asked Kokonoe aloud while enjoying the idea of having complete control over how she can help her patience. The last segment was more akin to her helping the cast, just not in a way she enjoyed. This time though seemed to be more in her favor, "Though, why didn't you pick Litchi? Last time I checked she actually gave a shit 'bout her patients and wouldn't go and tell them to piss off."

"Well," began the female while looking away from the cat woman. She began to look around the room, noticing how everything was just so metallic and really lacking any color. This was a science lab so it made sense but still, "She cares too much. She would help them, but it wouldn't be very enjoyable for the audience. Remember I have a audience to please with your torture-I mean assistance of the cast!" she replied while trying to cover the slip up. If she remembered correctly she said this was to help the cast, _not_ abuse them, _"Remember me, this to help them! Even if torture would bring in better reviews...maybe I should reconsider just a little," _thought the nameless chick.

"I guess you're right. Well you're in luck kid, you sparked my interest, this could be a way for me to get revenge for them always interrupting my work!" she replied with a slightly crazy smirk taking over her features. She lost count of how many times she ended up losing track of her work because someone had to come in due to getting a bad ending! This way she could give them some _real advice_ while enjoying their minor suffering; this was actually going to be entertaining. Maybe she'll finally get Ragna to admit he was a pervert…

Lambda, who was watching the exchange silently decided to speak up in her usual non-emotional voice, "I disagree with this idea. I believe that she is also in need of a therapist, so I believe that placing her in charge will cause misfortune." Lambda was straight to the point, and rather blunt about it. Though, this could be because she is an artificial life form with no reasons to hold back.

Kokonoe turned her head over to Lambda and yelled, "I do not need a therapist Lambda! I'm perfectly fine!" The girl in the background just laughed at this, the robotic girl did have a point, but alas. Kokonoe would make things the most entertaining, and hopefully bring in good ratings!

"It is true. You have daddy issues, a fierce temper, violent tendencies, extremely bossy, and an unhealthy obsession with murdering Terumi in the most violent way possible," explained Lambda in her usual deadpan voice. Now some of those things where quite therapist worthy, she really needed to get over this problem with her father, and her brash rudeness to everyone. When it came to Terumi/Hazama though…

"Lambda, I think her obsession with killing him is justified," spoke the young female, "I mean, have you not seen the all the crap he's done? He deserves to suffer for it in a violent fashion."

"Thank you um, what's your name kid?" asked Kokonoe to her now welcomed guest. Anyone who doesn't think she needs a therapist isn't on her shit list (Tager knows from experience what happens when you bring up therapists around her. The dents in his head are enough proof of it.)

"Name? Not sure, haven't decided on one yet," responded the brunette to the pink haired cat lady. Coming up with names aren't exactly her strong point. She's only here so the events that will proceed will actually have some sort of explanation rather than being one of those, "BAM! You don't know how they got here, but oh well!" scenarios. It's not like a name is really needed anyway, she's kind of like some sort of observer who'll only be here and there.

"Alright then, kid it is," responded to Kokonoe, a little taken back by this. If she's going to be bossed around by someone, they should have least have a name. Even those suite guys had names, not like she really cared though, "When do I start?"

"I'm not sure about that either, but you'll find out one way or another! Until then, just carry on with what ever you were doing!" responded the girl who pulled out a fuchsia umbrella out from behind her back. She then proceeded to point it towards the scientist, "When the time comes be prepared to help people, and torment only a little bit!"

"What the hell is with the umbrella?" asked Kokonoe while she observed it. It didn't seem like anything special. Unless she planed to have a dramatic exist that would result in the fire sprinklers going off, she had no clue what was the point of it. If she did that though, she was sure to attack her. She may not have claws, but it doesn't mean she liked getting wet.

"Well, besides it being my weapon to take over the universe, I like using it to point at people to get my point across," she explained simply.

"Are you sure you aren't the one who needs a therapist?" asked Kokonoe in a sarcastic tone, wondering if the person who gave her this job was actually crazy.

"Nah, I'm just eccentric. Don't bring it up again and I'll tell you how you can kill Terumi with an umbrella," she said simply with a little smirk on her face.

"Deal, now can I use it to kill him?!" she asked with much enthusiasm. In all of her years of science, she has never heard of murder by umbrella. If she pawned that ass in such a way, it would be a wonderful victory for her!

Lambda just watched this exchange, wondering about the power of the umbrella. Though she really didn't quite care, all she could think of was the name Ragna. She doesn't know why she felt something like a happy familiarity with it. It made her wish for the day to come sooner, where she be able to see this man who made her feel so different. Though, she knew whatever was in store won't be fun for him.

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**Yeah, I'm going to have fun with this extremely random thing. I hope no one minds the random OC that I threw in. I like having explanations of why things happen, and having an original character seemed to make the more sense than having one of the characters come up with the idea. Just imagine her my as own personal voice, and she won't be in much. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the start of the randomness that is therapist Kokonoe! The first victim, um, I mean patient should be rather obvious. Please make sure to review and stay tune for the next episode!**


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